I have been aware for sometime that I can get stuck inside my mind when I am negative. I cannot say that I have been very positive about anything for a long time. Considering that I live in a relatively isolated existence it makes some sense to me that my thoughts drift back to past events and places.
I awoke this morning from a dream that was all about a relationship I was in eleven years ago. I suppose one of the reasons I went back to her in this dream was that we split on this day, eleven years ago. We only dated for a few months. However, it was not like any other relationship I had ever been in.
Also, since I have not been that intimate with any other women since then, I suppose there is a certain amount of attachment I still feel for her. I have not allowed anyone else to take her place in my mind or in my heart.
What is really frustrating about all of this is that I do not see a way out at all. This hasn’t led me to believing I should change anything about how I socialize. What is most disturbing to me is that I will keep going back to that time repeatedly, as I get older.