Living in the Past

I have been aware for sometime that I can get stuck inside my mind when I am negative.  I cannot say that I have been very positive about anything for a long time.  Considering that I live in a relatively isolated existence it makes some sense to me that my thoughts drift back to past events and places.

I awoke this morning from a dream that was all about a relationship I was in eleven years ago.  I suppose one of the reasons I went back to her in this dream was that we split on this day, eleven years ago.  We only dated for a few months.  However, it was not like any other relationship I had ever been in.

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Also, since I have not been that intimate with any other women since then, I suppose there is a certain amount of attachment I still feel for her.  I have not allowed anyone else to take her place in my mind or in my heart.

What is really frustrating about all of this is that I do not see a way out at all.  This hasn’t led me to believing I should change anything about how I socialize.  What is most disturbing to me is that I will keep going back to that time repeatedly, as I get older.

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