This post is one I’ve postponed writing and publishing because I have had a lot of trouble placing it properly and succinctly.
In the series of posts in the blog I’ve mentioned the murders of Tupak Shakur and Biggie Smalls. As you should know from just looking around you, this time period has been documented, discussed, and analyzed at length. What I will attempt in this post is to explain what they meant me and how I fit into the story of this brief, but horrible time period.
Near the end of the time before the Lost Decade began, this lady named Pat warned me that Tupak and Biggie would be killed. Obviously, my response was that I was absolutely opposed to it. Only months before, I had accepted the man who approached me at Venice Beach the year before was Biggie Smalls. The man who ended our conversation with the words “We need you, man.” Chris had, in a brief conversation, awoke me from my previous routine and reminded me to re-dedicate myself to my mission. In large measure, I owed him an enormous debt for sending me in the right direction. That his reward was to be killed was unacceptable. That I knew who would pull the trigger was surreal. That the last response to my protestations against the scenario was “It’s already begun.” left me crest-fallen.
I’ve already mentioned in this space how I reacted when I heard Tupak had been shot, just a few days after I moved out of Geoff’s house. I dropped to my knees and begged God to help Tupak live. When I heard Tupak had died I was obviously saddened, angered, and filled with many other emotions I don’t have room to include in this space. What I want to share about that was I was not at all blaming God for his demise. Even though God can do anything He wants at all, He does allow terrible and evil things to happen. Allowing evil things to happen exposes evil; it is how we are supposed to be able to distinguish between good and bad and learn how to treat the bad. I put blame squarely on the shoulders of the people involved and those that stood to gain from Tupak being eliminated. You have to admit that when you think about it objectively, in the big picture sense, there were many conspirators in this crime. Hardly any of them have faced the justice that they deserve.
The intervening months between September of 1996 and March 1997 were extremely tumultuous for me. My sense of helplessness seemed to unravel everything I was doing. At the same time everywhere you looked on TV and on newsstands, people were discussing the TWA flight 800 disaster, which I was also forewarned about, and also was absolutely opposed to. Perhaps the greatest obstacle I have had to come terms with as the Messiah is the overwhelming majority of those closest to me persist in doing the opposite of what I tell them to do.