For a number of reasons I have had a difficult time resuming this part of my planned blog. There must be several subconscious reasons for why I have been procrastinating. There are some things about this Lost Decade series that prevents me from proceeding. One that I am aware of is that very few people are reading it, let alone responding, at all. Also, even though it has a therapeutic value for me, going over some of these things from long ago, is painful. There is only so much “digging in the dirt” I want to put myself through if no one else is gaining anything from it. What it all comes down to is I AM doing this for myself: I have my own reasons to make some sense of this time period. Then there are the distractions of every day drama that intrude into this writing process.
People who are familiar with the New Testament usually think of Jesus’ disciples as people who followed him everywhere he went and hung on his every word. They consider how close they were to Jesus. It might come as a surprise to all of you, if you can comprehend all that went on during the year I did everything I could do to save you, that as soon as I moved back over the hill not a single person tried to stay in touch with me. Almost without exception, as soon as I was out of sight, I seemed to be out of mind.
I moved just a few miles away; I might as well have left the dimension they all were in. As I look back I find it amazing how superficial all of these relationships, many of which began over fifteen years before, had been all that time. All of these people had been more concerned about their show business careers, making their movie, selling their scripts, and having a good time. What I was doing just did not fit into their lives; but it was worth using as the basis for another “entertainment project.” They all turned out to be much more loyal to each other than they ever were to me. Looking back, there are several who would actually deserve the label “frenemy” that I would condemn at the time. To me, a frenemy is someone who puts great effort into convincing you they are your friend when in fact they really want to destroy you. At this present time, I have no difficulty condemning all of them. With all of God’s help I have received I am still just one man; does it make sense to you there is only so much I could have done to maintain the relationship I had with each of these individuals? When they did not do anything neaningful on their part I obviously could not maintain or uphold these relationships by myself. Most of them understood and learned from me. But it is not possible to shepherd those who will not follow.