Xtina and the Castle of Evil

entered on July 9, 2010
(to be read in the Chinese-accented, broken English style.)

Xtina: What are you doing here?


Hooded Figure: I am a messenger from Nicole, greedy Queen of Blowjobs.


Xtina: I do not want to talk about her.


Hooded Figure: She sends you a message: “You have failed God.”


Xtina: Nonsense!  I birth baby.  I produce DVD cover as described.  I buy house; not sell one.


Hooded Figure: Not so.  You fail Him.  You kidnap child of Messiah.  Like others do and abandon.


Xtina: No!  She cannot put blame on me.   She is worst sinner.


Hooded Figure: Nicole disagrees.  She says you squander last chance for Earth.  Nicole says you replace Jodie Foster.


Xtina: No.  That was Portman!


Hooded Figure: What about baby?   Nicole and Portman do not have Baby Jesus baby.   You do!


Xtina: Jesus Messiah says Jodie Foster is greatest enemy.  She has two sons!


Hooded Figure: True.  Jesus Voice of Kalki says this.  You plan on another baby?  You already state you would?  Then you replace Jodie Foster.  Nicole speaks in future.


Xtina: Jesus Ben say I have baby.  Jodie Foster say she have baby.


Hooded Figure: Messiah Jesus prophecy come true only to rip baton out of greedy Nicole hands.  Then you do nothing!   You are failure and will go to Hell.


Xtina: I have busy career.  I have to pay for house.  What about House of Catholics?


Hooded Figure: Do not change subject and point finger!  Three point back at you!  Krishna Christ lose everything because your unwillingness and inability to act.  Time has run out.


Xtina: Things getting better.  When I am done with tour I do something.


Hooded Figure: All things Messiah Jesus say come to pass.   Girls are afraid of him.  He blame you and will not trust you.  Girls only care about money and now that he has none they refuse to assist him.  He will kill you, baby, and slimy slug cat boy manager husband.


Xtina: What about my voice?


Hooded Figure: Words and songs and promises are bullshit.  Nicole read his mind.  He already plans private Hell for you.


Xtina: I do not get Jewish Girl Hell?  I converted.


Hooded Figure: No!  Seven Seal people do not get companions in Hell.  Especially you who is full of Pride.  Nicole say Ben Krishna construct Hell for you.  Facsimile of Prince of Darkness House but you are not allowed to leave.  You only get occasional demons to visit you and torture you.  You be raped by Hitler.  No forgiveness.


Xtina: He must forgive me.


Hooded Figure: Not so.  Baby born on same day as his mother has been your downfall.  He and all other children will not grow up to maturity because of you.   Multitudes will curse you for eternity.  You will hear wailing cries of punished homosexuals.


Xtina: Why doesn’t he just get a job?


Hooded Figure: He says you should have given everything to him and gotten a real job yourself for once in your life!  All girls hate Jesus now but they cannot accept it was females that made him so repulsive.  They blame Jesus.  They want him to chase them and waste money he does not have.  Women do not understand, only flirt and take money.  All of womanhood hung in the balance and you could not even get behind the wheel!


Xtina: What must I do now?


Hooded Figure: Too late to apologize.  He denies baby is his. There is no proof he ever spend time alone with you, let alone sleep with you.  Loc Nar is cleaved and world will end.


Xtina: I want second opinion.


Hooded Figure: You are final nail in Spanish-speaking world coffin.

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