I don’t know what to say

the contribution for June 8, 2010

This is one of those blogs I’m not sure where to begin nor where it is going to go.

I was scanning news stories and clicked on one that sounded especially bizarre.  A man had killed someone, injured two others and wound up going over a cliff and dying.  I clicked and to my horror, I knew him.  I knew Steve.

Although there are more than enough salacious things you could say about him, I will tell you I remember seeing Steve at my 12-step meeting home group.  I liked him, I thought he was cool.  When I went to these meetings after finally getting back to California from Arizona, I was really pissed.  I let it all hang out when I shared.  Not the really insightful, supportive type shares.  More like the super-duper pissed off Jesus second time around Ravenous Wolf with Lyme Disease shares.  I held nothing back.

I took people to task for not giving a crap.  For not even having a clue about who I am.  That sort of thing.  I made a lot of really twisted jokes, especially directed at the “sacred cows” of the Industry so many people in LA are a part of.  I remember Steve laughing at all my jokes.  He thought I was funny and he understood how frustrated I was with so many people.  He really understood how angry I was that Notorious B.I.G.’s murder was still “unsolved” and the people that didn’t care about that.

I really let loose one time when Ashley Roberts had shown up the second time at this meeting.  She was not using her real name, and I concluded she was spying on me.  Anyone is allowed there but I considered it “my turf” and I had to wonder whom she was spying for.  If you have been reading my blogs you might understand who the usual suspects are.  I outed her during this meeting and took her to task.  Maybe the reason she was so late and I was wasting away was I was waiting for her to hook up with Leo DiCaprio.  I remember Steve shaking his head at me.  We both understood how much LA runs on bullshit.

I am stunned and in shock.  When I looked at the page yesterday over 100,000 people had watched one of the videos of Steve falling 50 feet and then being sent to the hospital.  It’s horrific and graphic and should not really be watched by anyone.  Especially anyone who knew him.

I cannot tell you what happened, what events led up to this tragedy, nor what happened to Steve after he passed.  These are the things you might think I have figured out completely.  I haven’t.  This just leaves me confused, hurt, and numb. 

Steve and I had a lot in common; we understood each other as well as any two people could just based on a few short hours in the same room.  If you went with me there I would have introduced you to him as “my buddy Steve.” 

I wish I had more to add but I don’t…

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