What lame excuses do you think Xtina Gagulera would use?

contributed on April 13, 2010

If you are paying attention, then you have noticed that Xtina Gagulera was granted an amazing blessing and completely screwed up.  Nothing she could say to me will ever make up for what has already been ruined.  Maybe when she finally attempts to “clean up her act” and persuade the rest of you why she shafted me so heavily, and why you should sympathize with her, what do you think she might say?

I blame the slimy slug who was obsessed with me that I married.

I was busy getting back into shape.

Hey, what can I say?  Calling him never crossed my mind.

I forgot…

I do not communicate very well.

Wasn’t “Replacing Jodie Foster” a good idea?

I thought since it was the Tick of Satan that caused Benjamin quien es Jesus, El R 13 de Los Angeles, El Coyote y El Salvador to impregnate me remotely that my son was evil and I had to keep him away from the hero of every faith and path.

For some strange reason I thought Kathy Ireland would help.

Minnie Driver has nothing to do with this.

I started hanging out with Nicole Ritchie and before I knew it, I was surrounded by Pussycat People and they told me what to do.

I can’t drive, I can’t do much of anything.  I am so spoiled rotten that I might as well be a special olympian because I can’t do anything by myself at all.

My people are completely lame.

I don’t know how to tell time.

I became a Satan worshiper a long time ago.  I think I am divine, and I make a better Christ than the real Jesus does.

My feud with Mariah Carey got in the way for a long time.  I wasn’t sure if Lady Gaga was copying me or I was supposed to copy her.  I don’t get along well with others.

Waiting for Britney Spears?

I was reading scripts instead of Scripture.

I am deathly afraid of photographers.  I didn’t think anyone would see me if I hid my kid around the clock in my Ozzy Osbourne house.

The music industry is the slimiest, lowest, evilest of all businesses.  And I love it and hate the Messiah.  I think this boy of mine is a curse.

My Ozzy Osbourne house is haunted and evil forces told me not to help Ben.  If so many people have tried to kill him then I guess he deserves to die.  I want him to die because this baby completely ruined my career plans.  If the world ends, blame Jesus, not me.

Bottom line: I’m selfish and don’t care.

Ever since Jordan said to me, what Jesus Krishna predicted, “I don’t care who the father of the child is.  Don’t you see how this has brought us together?”  I live in a surreal soap opera.  I thought making a movie, like Jordan told me to, was the best solution.

I was under contract to the wrong labels and networks that want to eliminate the Messiah once and for all.

I don’t know what I was thinking.

I received and gave a lot of bad advice.  I had a difficult time with people near me ever since I asked them, “Why did you listen to me?”

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