AS IF, there was a press conference

for your edification on March 27, 2010

Me: I just want to let you know it is over.  It is done.  There really is no contest now but I just wanted to show up and let everyone know they better get on the RIGHT side in time for the next round.

Reporter: Satan spoke today.  He calls himself God Aton.  He says The Maitreya, Esu (Jesus) Sananda Immanuel is the real Jesus and you are the loser.

Me: Fine.  I really do not want to stoop to the level of the REAL LOSER, but I just want to remind everyone that in 2008, one of the deceiver’s minions came after me while I lay in my bed naked in Thousand Oaks.  The Holy Spirit guarded me and I KICKED THAT INTER-DIMENSIONAL piece of crap’s butt with one elbow strike with MY EYES CLOSED.

Reporter: Why should we believe you?

Me: Because I am telling you the truth!  I retold this story ON CAMERA in San Diego at ComicCon and amongst other things, I said there would be a sign from God in three days.  The 900 ft crop circle at Etchilhampton was the fulfillment of that prophecy.  You have all seen enough and had all the evidence right under your noses all this time.

Reporter: This all too hard to believe.

Me: I have lived it!  How dare you doubt me!  ALL OF THE PEOPLE, PLACES, AND THINGS YOU TAKE FOR GRANTED STILL EXIST because God & I work together as one.  The enemies lurk in the shadows and copycat my words and claim them as their own.  Can’t you detect the seething anger amongst them?

Reporter: Care to make another prediction about any further encounters with the enemy?

Me: Remind the Deceiver, who wants nothing less than for all of you to worship him instead of our Heavenly Father, that I have been kicking his “you know what” my entire lifetime.  I promise you this: I am coming for him to finish him off once and for all.  I am going to fetch him on his turf, and I am going to RIP HIM A NEW ONE, if you know what I mean.

Reporter: That’s a very bold statement.

Me: I do not have to look very far to see his friends are desperate for people to ignore me and listen to his equivocating nonsense.  It doesn’t matter to me if people all around me talk as if I am some place above them when I am, in fact, right next to them.  You must believe in me or you will perish along with the adversary.  However, I am used to emerging victorious when out-numbered.

It’s in my blood.

Reporter: What if God were one of us?  Just a stranger on a bus?

Me: That would be ME!

Reporter: On June 30, 2006 Nicole Scherzinger said she really wanted your silver ring with the lapis pieces.  Do you still have it?

Me: No.

Reporter: Does Nicole Scherzinger have it now?

Me: I really do not care how much of my property my enemies have scavenged off of me by avoiding me while I suffered.  I gave them WAY TOO MANY chances to deal with me fairly.  They can gag themselves on the property that they stole from me.  I might have shared with them.  If they think they can be my friend by returning things they stole at this late a date, then they are sadly mistaken.

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This entry was posted in aliens, conspiracy, God, Jesus, judgement, prophecy, Reaper. Bookmark the permalink.

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