from the June 9, 2009 post
Happy Birthday, Gloria.
You would have been thirty-eight today.
Today I lay all of this at your feet.
Everything that has gone wrong since 1996 I place at your doorstep, the one you could not cross over and join me. I remember begging you to come with me. All the bad things we were told about in the Year in the Dog Park could have been avoided if you had just come with me. We got the AK-47 away from your cruel boyfriend, that incredible ass who thought he was God’s gift. May he rot in Hell. I remember you thinking I should move in with the two of you and kill him for you. I know that is how many of you girls think. Save you by killing some guy for you. This is reality; this is not a comic book.
I knew if you could just accept the fact that I forgave you and that I gave you credit for what we accomplished in 1996 that we would be a great team. All the other suffering I have endured could have been avoided. For all I know I would have been someplace else on March 9th 1997. I knew you could be my ticket out of this nonsense. But you refused me and I will never get down on my knees for anyone like that again. There is nothing I could say that would approach that again. It seems everyone is taking advantage of me today. Every insult I receive is now because of you, my dear. All the painful prophecies became reality because you could not make a simple step in my direction. No wonder I am ready to cash it all in now.
Since then, I take sole credit for saving this planet. Everyone else’s prayers and meditations are no different than before. I drove alone, spoke alone, and drew upon my vast source of personal power. I tried my best to get at least one female in line properly. None of you did what you were supposed to do. Don’t feed me some line about all of you being Magdalene. That is just being soft in the head.
Decades of meals and sleeping alone. Why did you do this to me? How is it possible a twin can refuse her flame, especially me? You wanted to help out after you died, but I did not want you to die. I will never forget the most painful vision I ever had where God told me you were on our side for good and that you got your wish. But what about what I wanted and needed? Why is it every time I express that to people they ignore me? Is it because you ignored me? I know you thought you were just not worthy; to me you seem selfish. Please don’t tell me this will all work out for the best. To me, I suffer because there are so many out there that owe me but have put me through living hell because they can get away with it.
There is no saving any of the other “mothers” out there. How do I know where you are? Why should I care if you can do no better than gesture at me or take another idea from my mind without even giving me a proper credit. No wonder no one calls, no one visits, and the cops are all over me. I suppose other guys are better for your egos than I am.
The rest of the world shall bear witness to why they have come up short. It is because you came up short and every other woman has something better to do than help me. I refuse to ask for their help now. It is just too demeaning and I am sick of being turned down. I look forward to seeing you in the afterlife. Maybe we will spend an eternity together there. This side makes me sick.