Swimming with Jodie Foster

posted for everyone to read on May 13, 2009

There have been many odd events since I was a young boy.  One thing I remember is that little girls were attracted to me and wanted to get married.  As a little boy, I was not so obsessed with getting married, but I suppose this had an influence on me.  My Mom would tell me about a girl that wants to get married to me and I would tell her I did not want to do that.  “It will really make her happy, Ben.  It really doesn’t mean anything.  Just go along with it, please?”  was her response.

I remember doing this on three different occasions.  I did not see much of these girls afterward; obviously none of these marriages were consummated and had no legal effect.  At the last one there was a priest in official black priest garb.  This bothered me because it seemed we were getting more and more official as we went along.  As we drove home I told my Mom “I don’t want to do this anymore!  I’m not marrying any more girls just ’cause they want to.  It’s not fair.”  Mom got the message; if anyone else asks, Ben does not want to go through another marriage ceremony.

I remember going to another girl’s house sometime after that.  She was a brunette and she had a friend, a blond.  This blond’s name is Alicia Christian (Jodie) Foster.  Jodie seemingly came at me, firing questions like bullets.

Jodie, “Why do you have a mole on the corner of your mouth?”

Me, “I was born with it.”

Jodie “You’re the Messiah!”

Me, “I didn’t say I was.”

She asked me a lot of other things and with each response I gave her she shouted “You’re the Messiah!”   Eventually, we went into the pool in this little girl’s backyard.  The two of them and I swam in the pool but they kept whispering to each other and seemingly making fun of me.  Jodie wanted to know if I could walk on water, turn water into wine and all that stuff.  I didn’t appreciate this type of mockery.

As this “date” came to a close I remember Jodie at the rear door to the house saying to me “I’m gonna have your baby!”  then running inside.  I was still in the pool.  My Mom who was poolside asked what I thought about her.  I said “I don’t like her.  She’s really weird.”

Since high school, people have asked me, “Who is the Anti-Christ?” 

My answer is still “Jodie Foster.”

As strange as it might seem, another reason I have to believe that it is the truth is that since Jodie got pregnant after someone broke into my room in 1996 and stole something with some of my emissions on it, that this bizarre childhood prophecy of hers came true.  My biological offspring have red hair. When I asked my roommate who took it he said “Jodie Foster.”  What was I supposed to do about that up until now?

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