Was placed on MySpace March 13, 2008
there must be 50 ways to kill Leora
1. Firebomb her apartment building.
2. Stab her 23 times in the back.
3. Walk up to her and execute her “Versace-style” and dump her in my Dad’s bed.
4. Hit her over the head with the “It’s Alive Baby.”
5. Convince Pat Robertson to strangle her.
6. Chop her up, place remains in a box and set fire to the box.
7. Ninja. Always a good choice.
8. Pour acid on her.
10. Send her to the cemetery and mow her down with automatic rifles. The Carrie update.
12. Table saw.
15. Take her to a Brooklyn basement and go Medieval on her ass.
16. Inject air bubble.
17. Needles, lots of needles.
18. Have Maria Bamford and Richard Lewis beat her with baseball bats.
19. Sarah Silverman fries her in oil.
20. Drop a grand piano on her.
21. Britney Spears her to death.
22. Get my daughter to hug her to death.
23. Show her all of her nieces and nephews, all her misdeeds, all the testimony of her former boyfriends while strapped up Clockwork Orange style.
24. Nail her to her Cadillac (paint it pink) and dump that off a freeway overpass.
25. Introduce her to Nicole’s Mom and Victoria’s Mom.
26. Angry mob from all over the world.
27. Have Radha do it.
29. George Foreman pummels her.
30. Rottweilers and Dobermans.
31. Sacrifice her in Aztec ruins.
32. Sacrifice her in Mayan ruins.
33. Sacrifice her in Inca ruins.
34. Radioactive slime.
35. Nail gun.
36. Place land mines under her BMW.
37. Throw her in a pit with Maxine Sonnenburg, Alicia Christian Foster, Damian Achillies, Anna Ayala, and Talan Torriero give them knives and let them sort it out. Kill the survivor.
38. Shove a lamp up her ass. Turn on lamp.
39. Danielle, are you reading any of this?
41. Lethal injection.
42. Guillotine. No wait; that is for my Dad, right?
43. Drown her slowly.
44. Drop her head on the floor repeatedly.
45. Ozzie Osborne bites her head off.
46. Shrink her head, literally, at the psychiatrist’s office.
47. Push her out of a plane.
48. Walk the plank.
49. Tie her up with Melissa Leivers and have black men rape them.
50. Drain her blood completely and send her into outer space.